You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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