When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize