I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
