oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
