It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
