yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
