okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
