Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
