I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
