the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
