The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
