Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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