I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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