I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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