your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
