so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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