2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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