he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
