I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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