Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
