First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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