He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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