I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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