why didn't you poke me back
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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