she was so not down for the gang bang
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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