Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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