kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
