you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
