i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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