if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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