it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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