My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
