You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
