i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
being pregnant is like rehab
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
