I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
