I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
