No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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