One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
