U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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