I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
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Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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