she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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