I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
