had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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