I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
