i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
