I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
