I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
