No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
