question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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