onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
