The maid of honor just puked.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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