I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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