If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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