I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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