Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
