My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
