I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
