we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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