just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize