Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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