i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
