Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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