I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
