Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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