the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
