Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize