Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
