At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
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fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
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And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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