I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
