lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
