I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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