Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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