She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
