I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
